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Day 1
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Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 02:26 pm
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OK. I have been making a conscious effort today. I'm doing ok. I replaced lunch with a Supercalpro and it was really hard. It was much more difficult than I thought. It isn't that it tastes bad because it tastes very good. It's the fact that I WANT to eat and I am choosing to drink instead. I need to stop. I'm outta fucking control.
So now I'm eating tuna. Protein and all. Tuna. Not the best thing but better than the fantastic cake I made Tuesday.
So, my goal is to first get my eating back on track and THEN work on the exercise. If I'm eating like a nutcase then any amount of exercise I do will be for naught.
Day 1...not doing too bad. I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner but one meal at a time.
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Nov. 15th, 2005 @ 11:26 am
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Well, it's been a VERY LONG ASS TIME since I've updated and I find it rather appropriate to do this now. Lots of things have been going on and some up, some down, some sideways. It's all just life.
My weight loss has stalled. It is my own fault and I am struggling with my head. I can eat anything. ANYTHING. And I do. Fucking Halloween. Bastard.
I need to get some sort of exercise going. SOMETHING. It's hard since I'm doing daycare out of my home but I have to figure out something. Maybe I'll get up early. I don't know. I got a new bed yesterday so getting out of it at all is a great feat. It's quite fantastic.
I had fallen off the vitamin wagon. BAD since I happen to be a vitamin REP but whatever. Add it to the list of shit I should be doing but not. It'll be ok. Weather is changing and I need to keep taking my immune so I don't get sick. That is what kept me from getting sick last winter and I intend to keep up with it so I don't get sick again.
The holidays are stressful and I know that with that comes the need to eat. I'm aware of this and trying to keep tabs on myself. It's hard tho because I'm to the point where I don't feel like I ever had surgery. This is just life to me. I know that I've stretched my pouch and that is part of the problem. Before I could only eat 3" of a 6" sub from Subway and if I chew right I can eat all of it. NOT GOOD. I gotta go a day or 2 of strict liquids so I can shrink it back. The tool's there, I just have to use it.
I am getting sick of saying I'm gonna exercise and not doing it. How can I get myself motivated enough to actually do it?Current Mood:  tired Current Music: Brooke Valentine ~ "Girlfight" |
Well, it went VERY well. Dr. Fred was late which NEVER occurs but it wasn't too bad of a wait. Just longer than usual. Even the receptionist said, "He's usually an hour early." LOL
I weighed in at 252. That makes a loss of 146lbs. Dr. Fred said, "You've lost 150lbs!!!!" I said, "Almost"
He also called me an "inspiration" and "extremely motivated". He's just a God. I love him to death. He saw me before he got into the office and looked at me and said, "WOW". Gotta love a man like that. LOL
For more information....I'll be friending some stuff. ;-) |
Today is my one year appointment with Dr. Fred.
I love him soooo much! I can't wait to see him and see his reaction to me. He always has the best reaction! I swear...if I hadn't lost another pound or inch he would still have a great reaction. He's just cool like that.
I've been trying really hard to get more water in. I haven't been drinking pop and other sugary things. Yesterday, apparently, I didn't get in enough water and my pee smelled rancid. I don't know what the hell was going on. I also don't know why I just told you that either.
Anyway....I've been having a hard time deciding what to eat. Mo's been wanting Eggs & Chorizo EVERY.SINGLE.DAY for the last month so I for SURE don't want that even though the protein is GREAT. I've been eating a lot of sandwiches. It's good since I can only eat about half of it.
Not too long ago my husband shared his lovely stomach disease with me and in the 2 days I couldn't eat too much my pouch shrunk down to what I think is smaller than I started with. It totally sucked because I could barely eat a pea without being full. But now I can eat, like, 2 peas. FUN!
I updated my profile on Obesity Help. I had planned on being better about updating there because there are just so many people there that read and need to see people succeeding but I suck and didn't. I know that quite a few people read here too but over at Obesity Help is where pretty much EVERYONE WHO EVER CONSIDERED SURGERY goes at least ONCE.
I doubt I'll be updating much after today here. I mean, what happens after a year? Not much. I'm sure I'll continue to lose. Slowly but it will continue a bit. I still have quite a bit to lose. 60 some pounds. And even then I will still be "Overweight" according to my BMI. I swear, they do NOT measure your bone structure in that BMI thing.
Yes, I still have 60 some pounds to lose. Yes, I do. But my BONES ARE STICKING OUT. I wonder if I have 60lbs of fat or 60lbs of muscle to lose. Where are the 60lbs?
~*~
I'm also going to ask Dr. Fred exactly how big my Greenfield filter is. AND where EXACTLY is it located. I am thinking of getting a tattoo of it directly over where it is located. This, of course, will all depend on where it is because I don't want it to show ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
It will be interesting as I'm sure he will want to know WHY I want to know this. He's probably also going to ask me why I haven't been to the support group meetings. That is, of course, if HE has gone. :-) I've got that up on him. LOL
I'll be back later to report my weight and all that good stuff. My appointment is at 1 p.m.Current Mood:  pleased Current Music: Maroon 5 ~ "Harder to Breathe" |
So the last time I weighed myself was a couple weeks ago. 2, maybe 3. I was 264 I think. 260 SOMETHING.
I've been really watching what I eat because I really want to meet my goal of 250 by my one year anniversary.
HOLY SHIT I WEIGHED MYSELF TODAY.
254
OH MY GOD
Now it couldn't decide if it wanted to be 254, 253 or 252 but I'm just gonna say 254 for kicks.
I can TOTALLY do this.
Not to mention my period decided to grace us with its presence yesterday.
FANTASTIC.
I am gonna do it.
I wonder if I could lose 10 more by the 31st?! LOL
Under 250 here I come.... |
| » 1 Year Almost Here |
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On the 17th I have my appointment for my 1 year check with Dr. Fred. I'm kinda freaking out. I mean, not that he'll say anything negatively or anything. If I had lost 5lbs he would be happy for me. He's just that kind of doctor. It's just....it's a year. A whole year. WOW
I have made it my goal to be at 250 by the 31st. I have about 8 more pounds to lose by then. Totally possible if I put my mind to it. But I don't want to be devistated if I don't lose it.
Yesterday we went to the mall and something amazing happened. I'm in total denial that it happened but I'll tell you anyway, Internets.
We went into this discount store and I went to try on clothes. My husband picked out a pair of pants. Since they weren't like, LB or Avenue, he gave me the 16 and the 18. I figure, I'll try on the 16 just for kicks.
They fit.
I am now wearing a size 16. Holy.Shit.
So then he gives me a shirt. 14/16. It fit too!!!!
I then realized that in a few more months, I am not going to be able to buy clothes at Lane Bryant anymore because they will be TOO FUCKING BIG!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a concept.
I'm in denial.
I still swear I wear a 20. I just can't get past the "2" at the front of the number.
My top is definately smaller than my bottom. I've always been hippy. But to fit in a 16 that wasn't a 16W or from Lane Bryant...amazing.
The funny thing about clothes from the "fat girl stores" is that they run big. Or maybe it's the other stores run small.
I don't know.
All I know is that a year ago I was in a size 32/34 with a bra size 50D wearing shoes size 12W. Now I'm wearing a 14/16 and I just measured for a size 40D and I'm in a size 11 shoe.
I'm also down over 130lbs.
It was also almost too the day that I had my Before shot taken:
I am not the same person.
Aug. 6th, 2005 @ 10:25 am
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| » Making it worth it... |
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My mom told me something that is just so damn cool I have to tell The Internets.
My mom works in downtown Chicago and takes the Metra every day. She's done this for over 15 years.
She was getting on the train the other day and a COMPLETE stranger stopped her and said, "I've been watching you on the train for years. I don't know what you are doing but I just wanted to tell you that you look INCREDIBLE."
WOW.
She's down over 100lbs and still is not happy that she had surgery. Her hair is falling out really bad. REALLY.BAD. So...she isn't sure it was a good idea.
But after that lady said that...she was VERY pleased.
Of course, she was freaked out because the woman said, "I've been watching you on the train for years." I explained to her that isn't what she meant. She meant she's SEEN HER ON THE TRAIN. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Ain't that groovy! It's nice when strangers compliment ya!
Jul. 30th, 2005 @ 11:09 am
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| » A year ago |
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As my one year anniversary approaches, I've been reminded of the changes that have occured over the last months.
I'd just like to mention that....
A year ago...this...never would have occured.
Yes. That is me. On a ride. At an amusement park.
We went to Kiddieland and I got on rides.
I got on rides and I didn't feel as though I was going to break shit.
I fit.
And it was cool.
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. Partially because my nephew screams like a girl.
But...whatever.
Jul. 18th, 2005 @ 07:00 pm
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| » I figure... |
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I figure an update is in order. It's now been 10 months since my surgery (August 31, 2004). It's been an interesting trip to say the least. I am down to 265 from 398. I am in a size 16/18 compared to the 32/34 I was wearing. I've made a lot of progress and I don't think I could be any happier with the decision.
Recently, tho, I have been having mental issues with food. I have a very strong desire to eat large quantities of food. I don't need it. I've never WANTED to eat a LOT before. I don't really know for SURE why I am feeling this way. I hope it goes away. I don't really know what to do about it. Part of me wants to just binge so I get myself sick so I can say, "LOOK STUPID...YOU KNEW BETTER BUT YA JUST HAD TO DO IT DIDN'T YA?!" But I know better and because of that, I won't push myself to that point.
A lot of this is probably because of the asshole my husband is. I am pretty sure that he is what one would call a "Sex Addict". Not too long ago I caught him yet again looking at internet porn. This time he had signed up for escorts.com. I confronted him about it and he swore he'd never do it again. Well, just 2 days ago, I went into that account and see that he has yet again signed up. Not only that but he thought he was gonna be smooth and use a different password. Well, sorry Bucko...I caught you. He has lied to me for the LAST time. I am fairly certain this is the beginning of the end of our marriage. Well, it is certainly the end of the sexual part of our marriage. I REFUSE to have sex with this man EVER again. He is OBVIOUSLY unable to control his desires and who knows where his dick has been. It was one thing when he was looking at the nasty old lady porn he was looking at for FREE. But now...he's paying for it. That is SOOOO NOT COOL. He is up to something. I mean, he's ALWAYS been up to something but I KNOW he's doing something. Or someone. I have no desire to prove it. I just need to figure out how and when I will leave.
He is lying. Lying to my fucking face. LYING. It's ignorant and disrespectful to me AND Mo. NOT.COOL.
He is spending money somewhere and I have this feeling it's on prostitutes. It has to be. I mean, where else is it going?
Well...it doesn't really matter. It's over. He and I are done. I have lost all respect for him. He disgusts me. He is a piece of shit. He doesn't deserve me or a decent life. He can kiss my fucking ass.
I'm so mad. I'm so mad that I put up with this shit. I should have known when I was pregnant that this wouldn't work. I should have known. I did know, though. I did. I just didn't do anything about it.
Now, it's on. I will be watching everything and taking count. I have to protect myself and my child.
Nature is kicking in, buddy. I must protect my young.
Jul. 5th, 2005 @ 01:57 pm
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| » 75 |
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WOW! Seeing that I have less than 100lbs left to lose....that just hit me.
Excuse me while I freak out.
BBL
Jul. 1st, 2005 @ 06:02 pm
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| » Y-Me Race |
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Hey There Folks!!!!
Just a reminder that the race is THIS SUNDAY!!!!
If you'd like to make a donation, feel free to pop over to Mo's Page or My Page. We've both hit our goals!!!!
Thanks to everyone who has donated already and for those of you who will!!!!
May. 3rd, 2005 @ 01:45 pm
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| » On The Dot |
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Saturday was exactly 8 months post-op. It was also my Aunt & Uncle's 25th Wedding Anniversary.
I weighed myself and I am down EXACTLY 125lbs. WOOHOO!
And if you recall, I had mentioned I wanted an outfit from Old Navy. Well...this is me in that outfit. That outfit that is now BIG on me.
I LOVE IT!
Could that picture get any cheesier? Well, no. It couldn't. I was WAITING for Mr. Photographer to take the damn picture and he was taking FOREVER so I decided to be funny, well...it wasn't so funny was it? Yeah, so I tell him to take another picture and the second one he took was AWFUL. I mean...oh lord...BAD. So instead you have to look at the cheesiest picture on the face of the earth. K?
May. 3rd, 2005 @ 12:44 pm
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| » How Severe Is It? |
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My BMI is now 37.7. Certainly it isn't as "severe" as before. I started with a BMI over 50. So how SEVERE is my BMI now?
| Range | Meaning | | less than 18.5 | Underweight | | 18.5 - 24.9 | Normal | | 25.0 - 29.9 | Overweight | | 30.0 - 34.9 | Obese | | 35.0 - 39.9 | Severely Obese | | 40.0 - 50 | Morbidly Obese | | over 50 | Super Obese |
Apr. 20th, 2005 @ 02:28 pm
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| » Note To Husband |
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While I appreciate your need to save my likeness to digital memory, I would appreciate even more, if in the future, you inform me of the fact you are taking my picture, so that I can try to stop squinting at the sun.
Just a little FYI for ya.
I would also like to thank Lane Bryant for creating these FABULOUS tanks with the bra built in. They have underwires. THANK YOU. While I do love the ones from Walmart, they do NOT offer such support.
Thank you Lane Bryant...my tits look GREAT!
Apr. 18th, 2005 @ 10:43 am
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| » Something happened today |
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The weather was chilly but nice. Nice enough to head to the park.
There was only one other family there and me & Mo. She is TERRIFIED of the swings. She NEVER goes on them. You do NOT know the fear in that child. So she was up on the climby thing for the bigger kids since they weren't there. She wanted me to go up there. I did. There were stairs, I would NOT have been climbing ladders, ropes, etc. Then I WENT DOWN THE FUCKING SLIDE! BWAHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I haven't done that in I don't know HOW long. And my ass FIT. How the fuck is that?! NICE.
So then I head over to the swings so *I* can SWING. ME. SWINGING. ON A SWING. I sat there swinging and called Mo over so I could teach her how to swing. I figure, maybe if she goes on the big people swings she will realize that SHE is then in control and she can actually ENJOY the swings. Who doesn't enjoy a good swing every now and again?
So I was swinging and she was laughing. It then made me remember when I was 15 or 16 and I went to the park with my mom. She decided SHE was going to show me the art of swinging. HIGHER AND HIGHER she went and we were all laughing at the old lady swinging. (She would have been 35 or 36 at the time) So she's swinging along and FWAM! The fucker broke.
BWAHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! She was ok. Her ass hurt but that was all.
So I was swinging today laughing and thinking of that moment. Seven months ago I NEVER would have gotten on that swing. I would have been TERRIFIED that I would break it or something.
So here's to a fun filled summer with a smaller ass. An ass small enough to slide and swing and be a fun mom.
WWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apr. 13th, 2005 @ 02:12 pm
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| » The Search For Something Pertinent To Discuss |
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I keep trying to think of things for me to talk about here. I mean, the first 6 months of surgery are over. There isn't much going on.
I continue to lose but more slowly. I think the inches are coming off easier than the lbs.
I can eat whatever I want but that is NOT a good thing. And I can only eat so much. I mean, I can get in 4-6oz depending on what it is and that is IT.
If someone had a question, I would answer it. I wanted to start this journal to document and help others going through the process but at this point, I don't know what else to tell ya.
I'm at a loss.
And I have gas.
I have a lot of gas. It's good though because now there's competition instead of the air raid we usually have going on.
Thank God.
Mar. 24th, 2005 @ 07:43 am
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| » Progression |
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Now remember, I started off 48lbs heavier than I can show. The virtual model site only goes up to 350. But this is how we're doing so far.
  
Mar. 23rd, 2005 @ 08:26 am
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| » Hey Stef... |
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| You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.
“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”
“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”
--Jean-Paul Sartre
“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”
--Blaise Pascal
Existentialism | | 90% | Justice (Fairness) | | 60% | Utilitarianism | | 60% | Strong Egoism | | 55% | Hedonism | | 55% | Apathy | | 25% | Kantianism | | 10% | Nihilism | | 10% | Devine Command | | 0% | </td>
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.01)
created with QuizFarm.com |
ROFLMAO
Mar. 21st, 2005 @ 09:24 pm
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| » '95 |
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I only have 95lbs to lose.
Ninety-Five.
I am over half way to goal.
Holy.Shit.
I figured at 6 Months it would just stop. I haven't been very good about working out so I figured I would hit the 6 month mark and the WLS gods would say, "YOU HAVEN'T EXERCISED REGULARLY SO YOU SHALL STOP LOSING" but they haven't. Thank you Gods of WLS.
I was at SILY's house on Wednesday and we were discussing my excess skin. (Isn't that what everyone does around the dinner table?) For some reason I felt the need to show my Bat Wings. My SILS about died when she saw my arm held out. She says she NEVER noticed it before. Well, I did. She understood what I meant by "NEEDING SOME WORK". I explained that I will be getting a "Pair of Big Ole Knockers". Then for some reason I lifted my shirt for everyone to see my scars. I said, "Like this, my pants don't fit because I have all this skin. :grabs skin: Skin...and scars...that's all I've got."
Why the fuck did I do that? I have no idea. Let's just say that my confidence is DEFINITELY up. AND..when I did that....not ONE person cringed or said, "Put that shit away." That felt pretty good. They may have been thinking it but they didn't say it damn it.
So after all this discussion what happens? Well...what do you think?
I walk in the other room about half an hour later and who is discussing HER weight loss? Yeah...SILJ. She's getting on my fucking nerves. Maybe I'm overanalyzing the whole thing but WTF? She keeps talking about how she's on this "DIET" and she "Hasn't eaten anything today".
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Just wait bitch...after I get my PS....I'm gonna walk around with a pair of Bandaids and a fucking tattoo covering my business.....And I'll shout to the fucking world...LOOK AT HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE LOST!!!!!
LOL
I'm crabby.
Mar. 11th, 2005 @ 09:48 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Mar. 11th, 2005 @ 09:47 am
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